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原住民

https://www.facebook.com/hsiaochingkirsten.hehn

 

開玩笑如果只停留在尊重人的態度,不會傷害到人。原住民嘻笑的回應代表大器和充滿傷痕後的生命韌度。若你曾經問過這些問題捫心自問是因為不了解只想破冰的話而不是存心傷害,請從今天起停止刻板印象式的幽默。社會需要原住民和非原住民ㄧ起為對原民負面議識的消除而合作。你我都可以成為ㄧ分子。

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不知為什麼今天的K歌是這首。好像是一種混雜了多種面向的拼湊板,想表達自己對過去的哀悼,但又想慶祝未來的清新。這首歌表面上在回憶我過去的戀情,特別是對那一兩位我傷害的人(愛情啊!曾經或一直是我生命裡最大的一部份),但我其實是流露出我幾天前決定不再攻讀博士班的決心。在這裡讀研究所的近兩年中,從一開始發現到自己對族群意識及社會認同的熱情,到研究所教授大力推薦我往上讀,去立志做名學者耕秐,一直到兩天前我才猛然發現,我在學術裡會不快樂,而決定揚棄那既有的盒子。我想寫,我想唱歌,我想一輩子彈鋼琴,我想教書,我想影響生命,我想做一個原住民,分享給所有台灣原住民自我認同的功課,我想當一個媽媽,我想當一個真實的主耶穌的信徒,我想只是當林筱卿,但我也想當Savi (我的泰雅族名字)。我知道我可以當一個教授一個學者去做這些事。最終,我還是想用我自己的方式,一個讓我簡單也是真正的我的方式:我可以當一個老師、一個作家、一個路人、一個流浪漢、一個黃臉婆、一個……。生活開始,就有好多種可能。

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重新回來的嗜好

今天決定要買電子琴了(因為正統鋼琴還便宜),多年來一直想再練琴的想法和存的錢,加上去年獎學金有剩下一些資金可以買。想再重新練琴,也在網路上找到我可以支付的價錢上課練習。再重新練琴,覺得好像是重新回到音樂裡面,沒有任何期待,沒有任何壓力,沒有任何計畫,沒有任何想法,只是一種我重新找回來的嗜好。感覺好像是重新再站起來。小時候父母讓我練鋼琴多年,小學五年級時,終於IMG_0502練到要參加生平第一次的成果發表和認證會,發表會的前一天晚上,媽媽狠心的(但也是不得以的)叫我不要去,沒錢不要練了。這好像就是我生平第一次發現生命中美好的東西都會被收走的感覺,從此以後,我告訴自己:我不喜歡彈琴,我不會彈琴。也是我第一次感到家道中落到家裡沒錢所給我的衝擊。也是從那個時候,彈琴這個夢想之門在我心中關了起來。

原來,多年來,心目中我追求的所有夢想:當個作家、女強人、努力讀書等都是因為我認為可觸及的範圍,有的開花結果;有的不是神的旨意。但我心中有一個小女孩,要感謝爸媽在他們還有資源時,努力培養我成為有才華的人,雖然之後無法繼續保有所有的資源,我更感謝主在我長大之後,在家人什麼都沒有的處境下,仍帶我到今天所擁有的一切,世俗的眼光看起來不多,但對我來說,真的是滿滿的恩典。

買電子琴的想法,其實醫治了我,醫治了我自己都不知道深埋心中的這個故事,一個小時候發生的事情:讓我不敢擁有美好的夢想;不敢追求彈琴和音樂結合的夢想;不敢接受別人的讚美;不敢追求那個可能屬於我的可能(我也可以彈琴)。

我心中的那個小女孩,會羨慕其他小朋友有我當初所沒有的。但主耶穌慢慢的填滿了這個洞。今天決定買琴前也發現自己真的要買了之前,哭了一個下午,主耶穌在告訴我哭吧!把當年那個小女孩所感受到的委屈、害怕、憤怒和不滿都哭出來,然後我會醫治。祂說祂是永恆且沒有時間限制的,所以可以到當年那個回憶那個時間點安慰當時的我,祂問我:妳想幫當初的筱卿禱告什麼?我禱告:主,求祢告訴當初的我,妳還可以繼續彈琴;妳的父母真的很愛妳,若他們有,他們願意給妳妳一切。告訴她她的才華是可以被發揮出來的;告訴她她是有價值的;告訴她她的價值真正的基礎:在主耶穌裡,和在和主耶穌的關係裡。

我今年33歲,開始重新練琴,沒有任何俗氣的期待(什麼想變成音樂家或是投資技巧以後可以賺錢),只是一種嗜好,重新找到音樂在我生命的一部份。

昨天心中這塊被醫治後,我禱告我的家人也能被醫治,若他們心中也有傷口,我禱告主耶穌用時間和用屬於他們的生命的道路去醫治他們。我想告訴我最掛念也最愛也最親愛的家人:不要讓任何人、事、物告訴你你的價值(包括最親的人)和你可以做什麼不可以做什麼,夢想這條路(不分年齡–因為我們已有主耶穌的永恆),你自己和主耶穌在祂的愛裡和義裡和祂的創造力裡,和祂一起走。你的價值,單單在於你是神的兒女。

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Love Your Enemy-C.S. Lewis

 

I imagine somebody will say, “Well, if one is allowed to condemn the enemy’s acts, and punish him, and kill him, what difference is left between Christian morality and the ordinary view?” All the difference in the world. Remember, we Christians think man lives for ever. Therefore, what really matters is those little marks or twists on the central, inside part of the soul which are going to turn it, in the long run, into a heavenly or a hellish creature. We may kill if necessary, but we must not hate and enjoy hating. We may punish if necessary, but we must not enjoy it. In other words, something inside us, the feeling of resentment, the feeling that wants to get one’s own back, must be simply killed. I do not mean that anyone can decide this moment that he will never feel it any more. That is not how things happen. I mean that every time it bobs its head up, day after day, year after year, all our lives long, we must hit it on the head. It is hard work, but the attempt is not impossible. Even while we kill and punish we must try to feel about the enemy as we feel about ourselves—to wish that he were not bad, to hope that he may, in this world or another, be cured: in fact, to wish his good. That is what is meant in the Bible by loving him: wishing his good, not feeling fond of him nor saying he is nice when he is not.

–from Mere Christianity

 

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Define Success

http://paidpost.nytimes.com/synchrony-financial/a-shift-in-ambition.html?WT.mc_id=2016-May-NYTNative_hpmod-Synchrony-0509-0805&WT.mc_ev=click?module=PaidPostDriver&region=PaidPostMOTH&pgType=Homepage&action=click

 

I remember that when asked to define success, I tend to be a bit melancholy because I consider that any answer I might come up with won’t fulfill the genuine image in my mind, which make words superfluous. Ambition often requires a precocious step into what a person desires to be. Though often there is a paucity of information and time for a person in their mid-career to ponder, staying in a complacent position or managing to keep sane and make ends meet when lacking passion for the job does not guarantee one’s future will not be treacherous. Being successful ties to being ambitious most of the time; however, it is by no means a pedantic definition in which people become saddened when trying to evaluate their ability to climb the corporate ladder. How do I define success?  As much as I dislike what the normativity this word could produce, and how much I am reluctant to answer this, I would say that I don’t like to define success, I live in it.

 

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Making a Choice

https://tw.voicetube.com/videos/17887?ref=ted

 

Thoughts:

As the author postulates that making choices for people tends to be involved in self-critique and self-destruction; thus, it is likely to be attributed to people’s anxieties of taking risks, she concludes that often people make decisions in an irrational manner which stems from people’s images of an idealized future, the consideration of what others think, and what is socially acceptable.

As much as I agree with the author that making choices often ties to individual freedom and the idea of self-making in post-industrial capitalism, I also have doubts about her arguments while she offers the instances of ideology of choices, of the connection between risk-taking and anxiety-provoking choices, and of the conclusion that associating change with making choice should be avoided. It seems that making a choice in an irrational manner is not as destructive as what the author refers to. Also, the conclusion that “we should go beyond thinking about individual choices” does not align with the essence of the quote that she chose, “When we make choices in life, we shouldn’t forget to live.”

Making a choice can be an eclectic mind-wrestling process. The author exemplifies the ideology of choice with a story of her friend, Manya, who is a successful car dealer. While the author purports that Manya’s customers making irrational choices are connected to Manya’s legerdemain psycho-analytical strategies, and how Manya was able to persuade her customers with gripping future images, I would argue that the decisions Manya’s customers made to buy the cars which are far more expensive than they need are not as simple as just being irrational. I argue that there is more to it than that, and being irrational does not only cause negative effects.

Also, the author considers that “choices are anxiety-provoking because they are linked to risk.”  However, there are ones who are fond of taking risks; therefore, I argue that anxiety-provoking choices do not run afoul of taking risks. Lastly, while the author affirms that when making a choice, “we should not forget that choice is always linked to change,” she ignores that the following sentence appears to be counterintuitive to her conclusion, “…but we can make social changes.” How can one think of making social changes without thinking of oneself such as one’s mistakes, experience, and future? Overall, I argue that making choices with in an irrational manner is not as negative as what authors contends. Being irrational might derive from one’s self-mechanism to protect one’s overarching well-being in one’s life.

 

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The New York Times

What to Do When Your Boss Needs a Reprimand

 

Thoughts of the summary:

Resentment in the workplace is no abnormal occasion. In the article, the key points of the author regarding these irritations are, in fact, to avoid casting vitriol upon and vilifying the relevant individuals. It is wiser to give the benefit of the doubt to those who need a reprimand–thinking that the person does not mean to hurt anyone at first. However, dealing with an unfair or a blatant abuse requires a resolute attitude to confront those who impose abuse upon others. Though there is no need to accuse the imposers of being dastardly, there need to be some consideration of the potential repercussions (e.g. layoffs and leaks of confidentiality) and the necessity to portray one’s grudges  in a pellucid manner. Most importantly, a need for protection is also vital, such as documenting records, inquiring about the law, and preparation for the next job.

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作者:林佑甄

對我來說我的出生就是神對我最大的拯救。
隨著年紀一點一點長大感受越來越深,小時候因為家裡貧窮每天要因為有沒有錢可以吃飯,有沒有錢可以幹麻而煩惱,但神拯救我們雖窮但從不因為窮而失去家該有的溫度。
高中打工跟同事相處不來曾經被排擠過,總是被人嫌你這也不會那也不會那你還會什麼,承受不平等待遇,久而久之自己也覺得自己很笨,久而久之我失去了自我,久而久之我開始討厭自己,久而久之我忘記了什麼是自己,不知道我說的話到底是對的還是錯的,不知道我這樣做是否大家能認同我,開始覺得自己到底還會做些什麼,什麼都不如別人,但心裡那個自己好幾次都想逃離那個地方,逃離到沒有人認識我的地方,逃到能夠找回自己的地方,但越想逃卻怎麼也逃不掉,越想逃離心裡的那個自己已消失的無聲無息,最後我相信他的話,即使是錯的,我開始做他覺得對我是好的事,即使違背了我的原則,因為他我不相信所有人,包括自己最親密的人,所以我們分開了,我最愛家人的話,從不猶豫的我會開始想他們是真的對我好嗎?她說的好像才是對的!最後我完全賣了我自己。
某一天他的話我突然不聽了,他叫我做的事我不照他的方式走了,他開始不爽開始覺得我變壞了,他覺得我再也不是她認識的我,可能到處說我辜負他的好意,那一天我逃離了那個我一直想逃的地方,就那一天我回來了。我的心突然感覺溫暖,心裡真的輕鬆很多,那一天我終於懂了上帝給我的試煉,上帝祂拯救了我。因為她我傷害了愛我的人,但上帝給了我們溝通的時間,才發現很多事情不是當時聽來的這樣,漸漸的我們敞開心胸檢討各自的錯誤,上帝祂拯救了我。   回頭想想那段失去自己的時間,我曾經恨過他真的恨不得報復,但上帝祂拯救了我,因為現在的我不恨他,有時某些事反而謝謝他,因為 歌羅西書3:13說:“倘若這人與那人有嫌隙,總要彼此包容,彼此饒恕;主怎樣饒恕了你們,你們也要怎樣饒恕人”。
當然我不是完美的,也不是一次拯救就能學會上帝的話語,我相信我懇求我託付上帝必定會用他的方式拯救我,就像他拯救挪亞、亞伯拉罕….人類一樣。